Top 5 Places I Never Want To Visit (in the USA)

In the spirit of classic internet lists, I’ve come up with my own.  Yes, it’s a little mean and completely unnecessary but it just had to be said!  So here you go.  If you’ve got an internet connection and 5 minutes to kill…..Read on!!


Below, I’ve listed my top 5 cities in the United States that I hope never to have to visit.  They are not in any specific order and do not represent any specific poll or body of knowledge.

Flint, Michigan: 

If it wasn’t the butthole of the American Midwest before the recession it sure is now.  Since 2008, Flint has been slowly transforming into an economic ghost town.  Maybe someday it will recover but for now it’s a No-Go zone for me.  For anyone still living in Flint, stay strong and God help you!

Bakersfield, California: 

Staying true to the human body part analogy, Bakersfield is often referred to as the “Arm Pit of California”.  “How could that be?”  You say, “it’s located in sunny southern California!”  Well, it’s actually located miles inland from the beautiful sandy coast and smack dab in the middle of the desert.  On top of the that, it gets a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of Los Angeles smog  blowing over it.  The icing on the cake is it’s “oh so exotic” white trash culture of trailer parks and crystal meth labs.  Simply lovely!

Des Moines, Iowa: 

“Hey man, why so hard on Des Moines, what did they ever do??”  That’s exactly it….nothing.  Des Moines is completely mediocre in every way possible.  Nothing good, nothing bad.  Nothing beautiful, nothing ugly.  At least if you moved to The Congo you’d have something interesting to say.  So Des Moines makes the list for being completely forgettable.  And because of that maybe Flint, Michigan doesn’t look so bad after all.

Houston, Texas: 

Just because it’s the fattest city in America.  That’s not cool.

The Entire State of Florida, Excluding Miami: 

Packed full of alligators and elderly people, Florida is where people go to die.  And they do so while baking themselves in the states’ unbearable heat and humidity.  Chances are if you go to Florida you’ll either die from dehydration or get sloooowly run over by a Cadillac.  That’s the facts people!

Okay, that’s it!  Not too hateful, was it?  Thanks for letting me rant and rave like a bumbling idiot.  Also, I apologize for making you just a little dumber than you were 5 minutes ago.

The views expressed above do NOT necessarily represent the views of This Boundless World staff and editorial team.  

January 2, 2013